She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
