Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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