she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
