meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
