just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
