So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
