Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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