last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize