Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
