I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
