I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
