What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
send nudes
from the living room?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
