I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
