Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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