So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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