dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
