my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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