Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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