No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
