I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
