im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
