Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
