Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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