I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize