Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
