I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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