Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
