I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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