how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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