You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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