physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
