Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
