Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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