If i come over, it means nothing
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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