Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
