I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
