We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
