you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
