Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
