Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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