Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
