His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
