maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
