we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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