Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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