Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it penis luge time yet?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
