last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
