gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
