you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
