i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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