ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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