eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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