it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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