I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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