Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
