everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
