you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
