I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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