omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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