i think my tv is drunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
