Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
