:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
