So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize