Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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