Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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