me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
