So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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