just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
