I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
