Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
