so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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