i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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