The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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