i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
