Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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