You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
